Tuesday, FNC’s Tucker Carlson reacted to what has become known as the “woke” CIA recruitment ad, which according to Carlson, has raised questions about the efficacy of the agency.
Carlson also questioned that trend within American culture, which he said was steeped in narcissism.
Transcript as follows:
CARLSON: If you’ve been on the internet this week, you’ve probably seen the video we’re about to show you. If you haven’t seen it, there is really nothing we can do to prepare you for the experience of seeing it except to tell you two things about it. First, it’s entirely genuine. This is not a hoax. It’s not a deep fake. It’s not the work of some demented comedic genius who set up a parody account on Twitter. No, this video is real.
The second thing to know about the video is that it’s from the CIA, and that’s not the Culinary Institute of America, the people who teach them baking and sushi preparation. No, it’s not. It’s the Central Intelligence Agency, the guys who do waterboarding and subvert foreign elections.
The CIA is the most heavily armed and supposedly the most sophisticated intelligence-gathering operation on the planet. And yet somehow, they produced this and then put it on social media.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I am a cisgender millennial who has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.
I am intersectional. But my existence is not a box-checking exercise. I am a walking declaration, a woman whose inflection does not rise at the end of her sentences suggesting that a question has been asked.
I did not sneak into CIA My employment was not and is not the result of a fluke or slip through the cracks.
I used to struggle with imposter syndrome. But at 36, I refuse to internalize misguided patriarchal ideas of what a woman can or should be.
I am tired of feeling like I’m supposed to apologize space I occupy rather than intoxicate people with my effort.
My brilliance. I am proud of me. Full stop.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
CARLSON: Wait, you’re intersectional? So am I. What year were you? Just kidding.
She didn’t say that. She said I’m a woman of color. I’m a mom. I am a cisgender millennial who has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. And then she told us, hilariously, the spunky new CIA lady. She told us that she is intersectional, but impossible after here — and we’re quoting: “My existence is not a box-checking exercise.”
Well of course it isn’t box-checking, come on. Just a cisgender Latina millennial mom of color with a certified emotional disability, not a hint to box-checking there. In fact, that sounds like pure meritocracy.
If by meritocracy, you mean a system in which narcissism is the highest achievement.
At Joe Biden’s CIA, the spies talk mostly about themselves. You can just imagine what the job interviews must be like. Tell us about yourself, and please don’t ever stop.
So you can change a diaper with one hand and console a crying toddler with the other? Plus, you’re emotionally unstable. Perfect. You’re just the person we’ve been looking forward to foil the next 9/11 plot. Let’s get you to the farm for some weapons training.
That’s your CIA at work.
Now, not everyone has embraced these new hiring standards. “The CIA used to be about mission to country,” wrote former CIA officer Brian Dean Wright, in an observation that was widely shared by many of his former colleagues. Now, it is about demanding and getting accommodation to fix an emotional wound or advance a personal agenda.
America is less safe with this new CIA and dangerously more political. That’s what Brian Dean Wright wrote.
Now, Wright is a sincere and patriotic person. We know him. He is a frequent guest on the show. So we do not contradict Brian Dean Wright lightly.
But is it possible that Wright is taking this video too literally? Could he be missing the point of it? What if the CIA’s latest description of itself is not what it appears to be? This is an Intel agency after all. These are spooks. Their world is a hall of mirrors.
So to you and me and Brian Dean Wright, that video may come off as the Babylon Bee version of identity politics gone wild. But maybe that’s the point of it. Maybe that’s what they want you to think. Maybe there’s something more going on here.
Now for months now, the Biden administration has told us that a group called white supremacists are America’s most dangerous enemy. White supremacists don’t live in the Middle East, their Caliphate is right here in America, in Nebraska and Western Maryland and believe it or not, even in the suburbs outside Minneapolis. Who saw that coming?
How can you tell a white supremacist? How do you know when you’re in the presence of one? It’s simple. Anyone who objects to being called a racist without evidence must be a white supremacist. That’s the working definition of it.
Beyond that, no one has to find the term. People in Washington just repeat the line again and again and again in the apparent belief that frequent repetition makes it scarier, and apparently it does.
Former CIA Director John Brennan seems genuinely alarmed.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOHN BRENNAN, FORMER CIA DIRECTOR: Now, looking forward that the members of the Biden team who have been nominated or have been appointed, are now moving in laser-like fashion to try to uncover as much as they can about what looks very similar to insurgency movements that we’ve seen overseas, where they germinate in different parts of a country and they gain strength and it brings together an unholy alliance frequently of religious extremists, authoritarians, fascists, bigots, racists, Nativists even libertarians.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
CARLSON: Well, that’s quite a list. Religious extremists, authoritarians, fascists, bigots, racists, nativists, even libertarians. Yes, says John Brennan with a visible quiver in his face, even libertarians, even the guys at the Cato Institution, that’s how deep this white supremacist threat is.
You may be surprised to hear that. You imagined in your naivete, that professional libertarians are merely ridiculous with their stupid little theories that no one has ever tried because they’re so absurd, they would evaporate like steam if they ever made it beyond the walls of whatever Koch funded think tank they live in, though of course, they never will.
But it’s much worse than that. The Cato guys are dangerous, John Brennan says, just like their diabolical friends at AEI, they’re the new al Qaeda. Lock them up. Throw them in prison with those diabetic retirees from Central Florida who have been rotting in solitary since they dared to trespass at the Capitol on January 6th. Lock them away.
From now on, if they want to communicate with Roger Stone, they’ll have to use tap code.
If we need more cells to hold them, there’s a budget for that. Prison reform does not apply to white supremacists. That’s what John Brennan has told us. That’s what they’re all telling us. They repeat it daily.
The question is, does anyone with an IQ over 80 actually believe a word of this? Does anyone in power really think something called white supremacy is the single greatest threat America faces? No, of course not. No one thinks that.
Susan Rice knows it isn’t true, so does Barack Obama. So do all of the other architects of this particular lie. They made it up in the first place, so of course, they know precisely how false it really is.
They may be liars, but they’re not delusional.
In real life, they understand perfectly well what actually threatens America. They’ve seen it up close. It’s the culture that produced them. It’s the decadent, rich people from their class at Harvard. It’s the Gender Studies Department at Cornell. It’s the cat cafes in Austin and Asheville. It’s the Monday editorial meetings at The Atlantic Magazine where David Frum is treated like an important intellectual rather than some dopey middle-aged Canadian Twitter celebrity whose life goal is to force America into yet another unwinnable pointless war.
Those are the people who actually detest the country. They’re the ones who are working through the night to destroy it. They are the people who are committed to and in the process of excusing violence.
So if you wanted to save America, these are the people you’d be worried about. They make the Iranian nuclear program look like nothing.
So maybe the CIA actually does know this. Maybe they really have figured it out. Maybe the intersectional lady with the emotional problems is in fact, a deep-cover operative. Think about that. It makes sense actually.
When defeating ISIS was the goal, we recruited Arabic speakers. Why wouldn’t we? Now that our own professional class is obviously the real threat, we need people who can blend in at McKinsey.
In the Middle East and here, we need the agents who understand the enemy, who speak his language, who understand his customs, who can break bread with tribal leaders in a yurt in the mountains or for that matter in Napa, or on the quad. For a mission like that, we are going to need a brand new kind of spy. The old kind will not do.
Imagine this guy trying to infiltrate the queer dance collective at Brown.
(BEGIN “MR. NO” VIDEO CLIP)
JAMES BOND, FICTIONAL CHARACTER: Admire your courage, Miss —
SYLVIA TRENCH, FICTIONAL CHARACTER: Trench — Sylvia Trench. I admire your luck, Mister —
BOND: Bond. James Bond.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
CARLSON: Yes, good luck, pal. Good luck on the Brown campus. Yes, those were cigarettes without filters, but not the right kind. That guy was smoking testosterone-enhancing tobacco. Think the enemy wouldn’t notice that? He would have been arrested at the door on a hormone violation. Game over, cover blown.
They do to him with the Soviets did to Gary Powers, get ready for a show trial.
But this progressive new CIA agent, by contrast, would never be discovered. They wouldn’t suspect her for a moment because she’s just like them. They’re unhappy. She is unhappy. They’ve got diagnosed emotional disorders, so does she.
They can talk about themselves for eight hours at a time, she can, too. Talk about deep cover.
This woman is a natural mole. The Kim Philby of wokeness.
The Biden administration appears to be training a lot of spies like this. They know that this is a war that will not be won in a day. Existential struggles never are. So they are marshaling all the forces of government, from DHS to the President’s own personal flak. Even the Interior Department has a role to play.
Watch these ladies try out their social justice disguises.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
LAURA DANIEL-DAVIS, U.S. DEPARTMENT OF THE INTERIOR: My name is Laura Daniel-Davis, and I recognize that I live and work within the ancestral lands of the Anacostians in the Anacostia and Potomac River watersheds.
I acknowledge the plant-based knowledge of these peoples and I am grateful for their ancestral and current stewardship of these lands. My pronouns are she/her.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: My pronouns are she and her, and I recognize I live and work within the ancestral lands of the Cheyenne people.
AMANDA LEFTON, BUREAU OF OCEAN ENERGY MANAGEMENT: My name is Amanda Lefton. My pronouns are she/her. And I am the Director of the Bureau of Ocean Energy Management. I recognize that I live and work within the ancestral lands of the Ute, Shawnee and Mohican peoples.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
CARLSON: Oh, I want to give thanks to Anacostian. I acknowledge the plant-based knowledge of these people, and I’m grateful for their ancestral and current stewardship of these lands. My pronouns are she and her.
Now you listen to that from an employee at the Interior Department and you think to yourself, that can’t be real, and let’s hope you’re right. Let’s hope it’s a ruse.
Follow Jeff Poor on Twitter @jeff_poor