Carlson: Why Do the ‘Slobbering’ Media Love Jeff Bezos So Much? He Can Buy a Lot of Love

Tuesday on FNC’s “Tucker Carlson Tonight,” host Tucker Carlson suggested outgoing Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos received such glowing coverage from CNN and other media outlets because he was able to buy it.

Carlson said the positive portrayal of Bezos’ foray into space could be linked to his decision to give CNN contributor Van Jones $100 million.

Transcript as follows:

CARLSON: So, Jeff Bezos is not having a mid-life crisis or anything like that. He just built a rocket and took it into outer space today. The rocket is called Phallus One and Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon boarded it and was outside of our atmosphere for 10 minutes. He was accompanied by his brother, Mark Bezos, as well as an 82-year-old woman and an 18-year-old student.

Now, a lot of people missed the launch. It happened just after 8:00 a.m. local time in Texas, so we want to give you a quick replay of what it looked like.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Colonel, you better take a look at this radar.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What is it, son?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I don’t know, sir, but it looks like a giant —

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh my god, it looks like a huge —

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Any of your kids want another wiener?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Dad, what’s that?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I don’t know son —


CARLSON: Yes, that’s the world’s largest penile implant. We didn’t make that up. We didn’t do it. Jeff Bezos did, blame him.

We didn’t want to put that on television, but he is the world’s richest man and we have no choice but to cover his hobbies.

So, we not now going to tell you what that rocket’s actual name is. He is calling it New Shepard. Here is what we’re going to tell you, we are going to talk about his reception.

As soon as Jeff Bezos landed, he was greeted by a throng of his own reporters. Jeff Bezos owns “The Washington Post.” You tend to get good coverage when you pay the people producing it. These are people who know how bad life could be. They could be working in an Amazon fulfillment center, peeing in cans for the rest of their life.

So, they immediately asked Jeff Bezos for comment in a very respectful way. How did he respond? Here’s his quote, “Best day ever.” That was it. Not one small step for man or something along those lines, he doesn’t have time for rhetorical flourishes like that. He sells books. He doesn’t write them.

But it didn’t matter. Our media were suitably impressed. They bowed before the richest man. “Best day ever” is three syllables, but it is three syllables they can understand very well.

Plus Jeff Bezos looked a lot like them, the heavily quaffed TV anchors who spend their day getting makeup. He’d had face fillers. He was looking suspiciously puffy before he went up to space, therefore the commenters on television were unanimous. This was better than anything John Glenn ever did.


ANA CABRERA, CNN HOST: Today was a big day, exactly 52 years since the first moon landing, another landmark moment in space exploration. Here you see, billionaire Amazon founder, Jeff Bezos and crew when they reached the edge of space and floated in Zero Gravity.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I don’t know why I am like when I was nine and we stopped and watched the original John Glenn launch. I mean, I feel like that. I think that America wants to know about this very much, and I don’t blame us for doing wall-to-wall because I think this is the most — this is one of the great business stories of all time because it is private equity, private enterprise going to space.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN HOST: And it really is obviously a big step for future space tourism, but it’s a remarkable step in a mission that began more than two decades ago when Jeff Bezos founded Blue Origin.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Your brother has been determined to advance space travel. I want to know, what did it feel like to be up there together, when you locked eyes?


CARLSON: Houston, this is Phallus One. We’re leaving the atmosphere. Oh, they’re so impressed. It’s unbelievable. Slobbering over Jeff Bezos.

Now, why do they love Jeff Bezos so much? Well, we just found out today, Jeff Bezos is giving a $100 million no strings attached to CNN contributor, Van Jones. That’s a lot of money. It can buy a lot of love and they love him at CNN. They love him. Jeff Bezos.

Don’t ever ask, how do you treat your employees, Jeff Bezos? How does it feel to be China’s biggest retailer? How exactly do you own the capital city’s local newspaper? No one asks those questions because in the end, everyone is hoping to get money from Jeff Bezos.

People who aren’t getting money from Jeff Bezos have a very different view of him. Here’s Tulsi Gabbard’s view. She is not taking money from Jeff Bezos. She sent this today. “The only problem I have with Bezos’s rocket ship into outer space is that it’s going to come back.” You go, Tulsi Gabbard. No wonder they hated you.

Follow Jeff Poor on Twitter @jeff_poor


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